He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
