she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
