Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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