This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
