I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize