I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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