Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
it's like iHOP with fire
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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