I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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