oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
