i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
