3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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