do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
