the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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