I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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