she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
