Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
