let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
