And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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