2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
