Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
