She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
The police scanner is talking about you again....
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
