I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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