your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
