Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
