pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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