I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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