Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
