What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
