Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
