wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
