Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
She said her name was "party"
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
How external is "for external use only"?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
