Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
