so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
