??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
