Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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