Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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