Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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