brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
