It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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