shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Randomize
