the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
