u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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