You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
