what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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