If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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