dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
