I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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