I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
