You smell like a Billy Joel song
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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