but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I will be naked everywhere
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
