Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
