I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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