it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
