Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
