Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
