Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
