you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Randomize