well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
