i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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