She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
it glows. i had to have it.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
