Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
