Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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