You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
